Hey there, amazing caregivers! Welcome back to our series on boosting communication skills and language development in your little ones. You're here because you care about your child and want to support them in the best way possible, even if that means wading through the endless parenting advice out there. Don't worry—we're here to keep it simple, practical, and fun.
In our previous posts, we explored observing and following your child's lead, the magic of language modeling, and the strategy of providing two choices. This time, we're diving into how to reduce the number of questions we ask and replace them with comments to make interactions with your littles ones more engaging and less overwhelming for the both of you. This strategy might feel a bit counterintuitive at first: instead of focusing on asking questions, you'll be narrating and describing what your child is doing—commenting. Don't worry if this feels tricky aft first; it's a natural adjustment, and with practice, it can become second nature and incredibly rewarding!
Why Focus on Commenting and Reducing Questions?
Now, if you’re thinking, “But I ask questions all the time—that’s how I get others to talk!” you’re absolutely right! Asking questions is a super natural way for us to engage with others. It’s how we draw out information, keep conversations going, and show we’re interested. But here’s the thing—when it comes to our kiddos, especially those who are still developing their language skills or who might have some challenges with expressive language, too many questions can actually have the opposite effect. It can create a little pressure cooker in their minds, leading to a stress response and them withdrawing or even shutting down.
Imagine you’re back in school, sitting in class, and the teacher suddenly calls on you. You think you might know the answer, but you’re not totally sure. Your heart races, your palms get a bit sweaty, and all you can think is, “Oh no, what if I get it wrong?” That feeling? It’s a lot like what our kids might experience when we fire off too many questions—especially if they’re not quite sure how to answer.
For kids who are still learning to express themselves, being asked question after question can feel like they’re being put on the spot. They might not know the word you’re looking for, or maybe they do but aren’t confident in saying it. This can lead to frustration, stress, and sometimes, they’ll just withdraw.
So, what can we do instead? We comment!
The Power of Commenting
When you comment on what your child is doing or what you are doing, you’re taking away that pressure. You’re not asking them to perform; you’re simply narrating their world. This approach is not only supportive and stress-free but also a fantastic way to model language and have some fun connecting while you're at it!
Here's how it works:
Use the 3:1 Rule: Let's make a game out of it--aim for three comments for every one question. For example, if your child is playing with toy food, you could say, "You're cooking." ...."I made cookies"...."Ohh it's hot!"...before you ask a question, "Are the cookies yummy or yucky?" To make it even easier for your child to answer, you can provide two choices like in the above example of "yummy" or "yucky."
Narrate Their World: Be your child's personal sportscaster, describing what they're doing or seeing. You can also narrate what you are doing. If your child is looking out the window, you can say, "You're looking outside."..."I see trees."..."Oh look, a car!"...."The car is red." You're showing them how to put words to what they see and do, without the pressure of responding.
Use "I wonder..." Statements: Replace those rapid-fire questions with a curious, "I wonder..." statement paired with a pause instead. For instance, instead of asking, "What color is that (pointing at crayon)?" try, "I wonder what color you have..." and pause. If they don't respond, you can model it: "It's a RED.....I like red." This invites them to respond but doesn't demand that they do, keeping things open and fun!
Turn Questions into Comments: If you're tempted to ask question, try to flip it into a comment! Instead of asking "What do you have?" or "What do you need?" replace it with comments like, "You have something..." or "You need something..." or "You have ___ (label the item)" --this works especially well if you have an idea of what your child might needs and invites them communicate without creating pressure.
Label Instead of Testing: Skip pop quizzes like "What's this?," "What's that?" or demanding they say a given word like, "Say apple." Instead, try to provide the word, "Look an apple!"..."The apple is yummy!" This lets them soak in the vocabulary naturally while keeping the interactions stress-free.
Mind Your Intonation: Watch out for accidental "question voice" --those rising tones that can sneak into the end of our comments. For example, instead of saying, "You're driving (your child is playing with a toy car)?" say confidently without rising intonation at the end, "You're driving the car!" Keeping a steady tone/intonation prevents the comment from unintentionally turning into a question.
Ask Only When Necessary: Save questions for moments when you genuinely need to know something, like "Where do you hurt?" Keeping questions purposeful makes the interactions feel natural and engaging.
Real-Life Examples
Let's bring this to life with some everyday scenarios:
Scenario: Snack Time
Instead of: "What are you eating?"
Try: "You're eating bananas."....."Ohh bananas are yummy!"
Scenario: Playtime
Instead of: "What's that animal?"
Try: "You have a cow!"...."The cow says....MOO!"...."The cow is eating."
Scenario: Story Time/Reading Together
Instead of: "What do you see?" or "What's that (pointing at image on page)?"
Try: "I see a dog (pointing at the dog on the page)!"...."Oh look a star!"
Tips for Success
Play Around: Use silly voices, sound effects, and exaggerated expressions to grab your child's attention and make the interaction fun!
Keep It Short and Sweet: Tailor your comments to your child's current language level. Short phrases like "Big car" or "Going up up up!" pack a punch if your child is currently using single words.
Let Them Lead: Follow their interests and focus on what captures their attention--whether that's opening and closing doors (you can make it a peek-a-boo type game), a toy, a bird outside, or a puddle to splash in.
Celebrate Small Wins: Every time you model a word, you're adding to your child's "word bank." While they might not respond immediately, they're actively absorbing and processing what you say. Language development takes time--children, especially those with language delays, often need to hear a word many, many times before they are ready to use it themselves. Celebrate the small steps, and keep the atmosphere positive and fun to help them feel confident and supported.
Practice Makes Progress
Start small and remember—it's okay if this feels tricky at first. Questions are such a natural way for us to communicate, and trying to get in the habit of making more comments can take time. Be kind to yourself! You're already doing amazing work by being here and learning ways to support your child.
You don't need to eliminate all questions; questions can still be valuable for encouraging your child to respond and engage. The key is balance. Opt for purposeful questions, not ones you know the answer to. Once your child has an established way to effectively communicate themself, you can ask open-ended questions to invite more expressive answers! Pair those with lots of comments to create a supportive language-rich environment.
Conclusion
Commenting and reducing questions is a simple yet impactful strategy to support your child's communication and language development. By focusing on narrating their world, modeling language, and reducing pressure, you create a stress-free and fun environment where their communication skills can thrive. Remember to embrace the process—be consistent, patient, engaging, and above all, have FUN in your interactions!
Stay tuned for Part 5, where we’ll explore using signs and gestures to introduce your little one to the power of communication! You’ve got this!
Call to Action
Parenting can feel like a whirlwind, but remember—you’re already doing incredible things by seeking out ways to support your child’s growth. At RosyTalk, we are dedicated to helping parents support their children's communication development. Don’t hesitate to reach out with questions or share your own experiences trying these strategies. I’d love to hear how it’s going for you and your little one!
If you have concerns about your child's speech and language skills or need personalized guidance, feel free to contact us a text at 815-587-4452 or email at rose@rosytalk.com. You can also schedule a free 15 minute consultation here. Let’s keep growing, learning, and celebrating the amazing milestones in your child’s language journey—one comment at a time.
Kommentare